Monday, August 2, 2010

Monday

Maybe it's because it's August, maybe it's because it's a sunny day, or maybe it's because I had a really good night's sleep...you know, one of those where you wake up and go "WOW, that felt good!". Whatever the reason, today feels amazing. It's not a special day of any kind. It's just Monday here in the office. We're swamped and I barely got off the phone to get to lunch. I shouldn't be so happy, so fresh, so alive today, especially seeing as how my parents are in California with my sister at her National meet and my brother and his wife and daughter are headed to Idaho today. Everyone is on vacation except me. Well, and my other sister, but she's having a great time exhausting herself with teenagers, so that's almost a vacation. And here I sit, in my office, at the orthopedic clinic, answering calls and waitng for the clock to say 5:00. I should be wallowing in misery and self-pity.
But I'm not. I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and it has stayed there all day. Ok, not ALL day, it's vanished a couple of times when I had a difficult patient or doctor, but it came right back when that was done. I feel so like myself today that I am left to wonder where I went.
Actually, I lied. I know why. Yesterday was Fast Sunday. I know, that's not usually something that makes people smile and feel all happy. But this time, it did. I had some amazing experiences yesterday during my fast. I think it was the most sincere fasting I have ever done. Why? I don't know. I didn't spend all day in my scriptures, I didn't spend hours on my knees, and although church was wonderful, it was not especially spiritually amazing. But my heart feels different. I wonder if it's because I realized yesterday that no matter what we are going through, there is a way out of it. The Lord always gives us a way out. That sounds so basic, but I realized that it counts for me in my life, and not just Nephi. I fasted for some things that I never really thought to fast for before. I always seem to think that I need big things to fast for, but yesterday I had big things for other people and just some little things for me. Granted, they aren't so little to me right now, but compared to the other things, they are small. But I know that just because they are little does not make them less important to the Lord. And I know that if it is His will, He can help me with my little things just as surely as He can help the others with their big things.
Why do I feel so alive, so awesome today? I think it's because I'm finally learning how to turn things over to the Lord. I have a looooooooooooooong way to go, but I think I'm starting to get it.
Have a great week, everyone. You deserve it.

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