Thursday Thoughts

It has been an absolute zoo in the office today. People are calling in sick, we're having emergency surgeries, and one or two regulars are on vacation. All of this means we get staff members rotated in that have no idea how the office runs, which means those few of us regluars get weighed down by everything. And not to sound like I'm whining, but....it really sucks.
Anyway, that's not what I came on here to say. I need to reflect and get perspective again, so I'll see if I can do that.
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Do you remember the first movie that really affected you? I do. Little Women. I think I was 8 when I first saw it, and it's the first movie I remember seeing in the theater. I went with my mom and Lori, my other mom, and I remember thinking that I was just like Jo. Loved to read and write, shut herself away to do all of that, didn't want to grow up, liked to run around...I didn't realize until very recently that I was on to something there. I have grown up to become a sort of Jo myself. But I also remember thinking that I was very much like Beth, quiet, shy, musical, more content to be at home than anywhere else. One of the things she said has always stuck with me: "I was never like the rest of you...making plans about the great things I'd do. I never saw myself as anything much." I felt very strongly that those were my words coming out of her mouth. Still do. And they weren't words that indicated how low her self-esteem was, or how depressed she must have been. Beth was always positive, looking for the bright side, the peacemaker. She just had honestly never thought of herself as something great. Never considered what she might do, if she had the desire. Then she died in one of the most heart-wrenching scenes of all time. I remember crying in the theater, the first time I had ever done so. To this day, I cry in that scene. When I listen to the soundtrack and that song plays, I get choked up and sometimes, tears fall. Why do I have such an attachment to this movie? I don't know. But it exists. It's my comfort movie. It's my sick movie. It's my "I need to forget about life for a while" movie. It's MY movie.
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I have this thing for TV shows. It's really quite sad, but I really enjoy watching TV. Stories are what get me. Good stories, exciting plots, intriguing characters...and humor. I have to have some humor in there somewhere. I feel bad, having so strong an attachment to TV. I feel like there should be something better for me to fixate on, but for the life of me, I cannot break my TV addiction. Well, it's not really an addiction, as I can certainly miss an episode or two (not without tears, though), but mroe of a fascination. And I have shows that go on all through the year, so there is always something that I can watch at least once a week. And when a show ends...ugh, that just kills me. What am I supposed to do now? What about those characters? How does their life go on? Currently, these are my shows in primetime: Chase, Castle, NCIS, NCIS:LA, and Bones. Yes, they are all crime-fighting shows. During the off-season or summer, depending on the show, my shows are: Burn Notice, In Plain Sight, Covert Affairs, and Rizzoli and Isles. Again, all crime-fighting shows. It seems like a lot of shows, right? Like I seriously need help? But each of those shows are only on one night a week, and very few are on teh same night, so really, it's just one 45 minute (if you take out commercials) show every day. That's not bad at all, right? Ok, yeah, so I occasionally watch reruns of Without A Trace and Extreme Makeover Home Edition, but only when the other shows aren't on! So....am I crazy? Or is this normal?
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If you couldn't tell, I get pretty attached to fiction. I am one of those "But what happens after that?" people. Epilogues make me happy. I like knowing that there is a story after the story, so to speak. But I seem to get more attached to fiction than to real life....in some cases, anyway. Why is that? What is it about these characters that keeps me so invested in what happens to them, in what their lives hold for them, in who they are? Is that the writer in me, or is it a personality trait, or is that a completely human response?
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I am so tired when it's time to go to bed at night that I honestly wonder how I am going to do it all again tomorrow. I wish I could say that I know what gets me out of bed in the morning, but I don't. Maybe it's knowing that I'll hate myself if I stay in bed, maybe it's knowing that I have responsibilities, maybe it's just for the money. There should be a certain level of satisfaction in our lives, don't you think? We should go to bed feeling proud of the day we had, if for no other reason than we endured. We should have some level of excitement for the days ahead, shouldn't we? Or is a monotonous stream of endless tedium all that we can expect?
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Wow, I waxed awful prosey there. Sorry about that. Anywho, the weekend is on the horizon, and it is looking mighty fine indeed. Hope you all get to enjoy some quiet time this weekend, and if not, maybe it'll be fun anyway!

Musings

It's been a while since I've posted, I know, and even longer since I've actually posted anything worth reading. I've been feeling a bit contemplative lately, so prepare yourself for some reflective ramblings.
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Do you think that we are sent here for a reason? Not just to gain experience and to get a body, but to you think there is something specific each of us are supposed to accomplish while we are here? I've been feeling really antsy lately, like there is something that I am supposed to do and I don't know what it is. And it feels like the harder I search for it, the more confused I get. What do you think?
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I've been working out 5 days a week for the last 5 weeks or so, and it feels really good. Which is weird, considering I tend to refrain from anything that could be considered physical activity ever since high school. But it is seriously my favorite part of the day (ok, ok, other than bedtime). I love feeling like I'm pushing myself. I hate myself during the workouts, but afterwards....ahh, it feels so good. I hate myself when I've been sitting for a long period after working out and have a hard time moving, but I love it too, because it reminds me that I worked hard this morning. And the only person making me do this is me. Feels good. I look nasty when I do it, cuz I get all red and really sweaty. I am NOT one of those girls a guy will check out while working out. Seriously gross.
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I don't mind coming into work in the mornings. No, really, I don't. The way my office is situated, I get to see the sunrise, which just makes everything better. I love waiting for the first hint of pink to hit the walls of my office, and then watching the sky change colors as the sun comes up. It's so peaceful and for a few minutes, everything is perfect.
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Fall is finally here, which makes me so happy. I love the fall colors, the fall temperatures, the fall smells... I just love fall. And I REALLY love going outside when it is brisk and cool and taking a deep breath, letting that fresh, cold air fill up my lungs and then letting it all out on a sigh. One of my favorite FAVORITE things to do. And it's even better in winter, but we'll get to that another time.
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Ok, I think that's all I've got for you today. There's more in my head, but you've all seen enough for one morning. Maybe I'll post again this week and share some more stuff. =)
I'm off to Michigan this weekend to visit Carly and her parents (YAY!) and taking in a hockey game while I'm at it, so that will be awesome. Enjoy the rest of the week!