Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Just a Thought

So things are going well for me, all things considered. I’m almost done with school [62 days!!!] which means I have to find a job [now taking suggestions and applications….anywhere…] and get ready to move.
It sounds so grown up, getting a job and moving. I mean, I’ve done it before, I’ve graduated twice already (three times if you count massage school, four if you count pre-school) and I’ve moved a lot in my life. But this one….this is the beginning of EVERYTHING. I knew when I had my job in Lafayette that I was in a holding pattern, just trying to figure out what the next step was, and I knew the same thing with every other place that I have lived. But this is huge. This is a great big step out into the real grown-up world. I could be in this next place for ten or twenty years. I could be there for one year. Who knows? This is officially where planning ends.
I’m not sure I like that. I am a HUGE planner. Like one of those people who planned out her high school courses as a freshman. For all 4 years. And I did the same with college. The unknown is not exciting for me, it’s terrifying. I like knowing what I am getting into before I get there.
Well, life doesn’t work that way. So one of us has got to change.
Turns out, that would be me.
I’m getting there, I really am. I’m excited for the adventures ahead. I’m terrified that I graduate in 62 days and I have no idea where I am going or what I am doing. I’m thrilled to move to a new place and learn what to love about it and meet new people. I’m REALLY excited to have more time and money than I do now.
But in looking back, I have to admit that I have learned and grown so much from my time here. I’ve been stretched and pulled and yanked and beaten down in ways I never knew I could endure. But I’ve also grown in ways I never thought possible. I’ve become a woman I never knew I could become. I have met people that have changed my life, and I have had experiences that I will treasure for the rest of my life.
So what does the future hold for me? I don’t know, and I can’t plan for it. But Someone has a plan for me. He knows what is ahead and what lies in store. So the question might not be as much “Am I ready for this?” but “Do I actually trust the Ultimate Planner?”
The answer is, of course, YES.
So I really don’t need to be afraid anymore, do I?

Just a thought.

Monday, March 10, 2014

New blog!

Hey guys. I'm starting a new blog all about my new adventures in the world of senses. Follow my stories and experiences at scentlessadventures.blogspot.com.
I'll still have this one going for all the rest of my craziness, so don't change the channel. Now there's just more to love and laugh at!

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Life lately and thoughts

So I feel like I should let people know what's going on, but I hope you will take it in stride and not feel like I'm announcing my own problems to get attention. Like Elder Scott has said, "...everybody has problems and nobody wants to hear about yours." But I've learned a few things that I think are important to share and I wouldn't have learned them without going through this.
Most of you, I think, know that I got a concussion almost a month ago. We're not sure what happened, nobody saw it and I have a lot of memory loss from that day. But I've had a concussion before, so not too big of a deal, this one was just worse than last time. After two weeks I still had some symptoms that didn't seem to be normal or resolving as fast as they should be, so I went to a doctor, who sent me to a neurologist, who ordered all sorts of tests. X-ray, CT, EEG, and MRI, the whole gambit. After some brief scares, we discovered that I still have some blood in my brain (common after a concussion) but it was in the area of my brain that is near the olfactory nerves, which control sense of smell, and that area also helps with emotions. One of my only remaining symptoms is the fact that I can't smell, [and therefore can't taste very well] so that made sense. Emotionally I seem to be fine, but jury may rule otherwise, I've always been too emotional for my own good (haha!). Anyways, the blood should reabsorb and resolve on it's own, but doctors say we can't really be sure what is going to be permanent at this point until that happens. I promise I'm fine, just experiencing life a bit differently these days.
I've had some interesting insights because of this. I happen to have injuries that are completely internal and no one could tell I even have them. There's no sign I wear that says "I can't smell and my head still hurts" and I'm fully functioning at work and school. But I know I'm not 100% yet. No one else does. Which begs the question: what are others going through that I can't see? Not all problems and injuries are visible to the world, but that doesn't make them less real or damaging. I'm as guilty of rash judgments as any human, but it seems so heartless now that I've seen a brief glimpse of the other side of things. I've had moments where I just think "You have no idea what I am going through, what this feels like. You don't even know." And now I wonder how many other people have that thought on a daily basis, and how many times have I been the cause of that thought.
I don't know how long I'll be like this, and that doesn't matter. What matters is what I've learned and continue to learn from it, and one of those things is that we all struggle in some way, some physically, some mentally, some emotionally, and some in ways that no one will know or see. So I'm determined to be more like our Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered everything and had no bitterness, never complained, and loves everyone, weak and struggling and imperfect and tired though we all are. God loves us perfectly, He knows our struggles, and He would not put obstacles in our path without giving us a way through. Might be over, under, around, or just patiently pushing through. But there is always a way.
To quote my mom, "This is Plan A. The Lord doesn't do Plan B. Only our plans get messed up, not His."